I am working on my New Year's resolutions for 2009. I have had very few years for which I have made resolutions, because they are too hard to focus on. Every day when I get up I resolve that I will do my best to make it through the day, and that this day I will do better than the one before. I don't think it works, but I keep trying.
For 2009, I would like to start taking a few more college courses, even 1 class, so that I can remember that I have a brain. At work, I am often made to feel really stupid. Though I do my job (Assistant Customer Service Manager), the pressure from above is so intense that I am reminded by the Managers to do things that I normally do (and have never failed to do) daily. Sometimes, even though I have done the task, I will be asked by 3 different people if I did it. Of course, if anything that my subordinates have been assigned to do is not done, I take the heat for that, so I have to remind them to do their jobs, and then I'm sure they feel stupid also. I'm great with the customers, but working for my company is hard on us associates. It's really hard to go from this work facade to real life. I really need more things outside of work that are intellectually rewarding.
I find it very disappointing that I have mentioned my work-life in my first paragraph. Total obsession with that is my main problem. At home, there are plenty of things that I use to distract myself: eating, grouching at the dogs, or playing games on the computer. But I really need to stop wasting my down time and using it in some of my more constructive projects.
I love the outdoors, and I have plenty of room here to get out and play. I like growing flowers and even mowing my grass, but when I stress out at work, I feel too tired to do anything when I get home. Another option: my house is falling apart and if I don't start fixing things the whole thing will just collapse.
In 2009, I will keep trying to alleviate this work stress by accepting things more casually. I am too serious about my job and care too much. My desire for perfection puts me on edge. I need to develop a switch that I turn on when I get to work that will let me be totally there, and then turn it off when I get in the car to go home. Then maybe I can relax and enjoy my personal time.
Another thing I need to work on is taking care of myself. The frequent stops at MacDonald's need to end. With preparation I can cook for myself again, saving money and making me healthier (or at least make me feel better about myself).
Focusing on others and their needs still needs to have a place in my life. When you are absorbed in yourself and your own problems, you miss a great opportunity for that little boost that comes from feeling like you did some good in the world.
I know what I need to do to make my life better, but it's that little push that makes me go from thinking about it to doing it that is so hard to muster up.
Well, I'll have to keep brainstorming about my resolutions, because I have to close for now. Thanks for listening.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas Again
Well, it's Christmas Eve. I'll be working as usual, but maybe I can find time to straighten up the house for my Christmas Day.
I think this is the first time I've actually planned to cook a full holiday meal for my family in over 8 years. I hope this will help take the edge off the holidays for us a little...
Thanksgiving 1999, after being married 26 years, I finally made the perfect meal. The turkey was golden brown, my special dressing was seasoned just right. My husband had sneaked some of the delicious banana pudding before he headed out the door to go get a load of Christmas trees to sell on our farm. (We grew trees, but he would buy larger trees that were requested by our customers.)
I had everything done, even the table was set. I washed up the preparation dishes and waited for all of his family and mine to arrive.
Shortly after 11:00, my husband's brother called and told me that my husband was at the hospital because he had collapsed and suffered a seizure. My rock-solid husband had never been seriously sick, except for some recent stomach problems.
That was the end of my perfectly-prepared holiday meal, that sat on the stove and spoiled, foreshadowing the death of my husband. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor, the cancerous demon that took him away from us the next February.
Anyway, I have a very hard time thinking about holiday meals, much less cooking them, even after all these years.
This Christmas(tomorrow), I am cooking turkey and dressing and all the trimmings, and my daughters and their husbands will help me try to get back a little holiday spirit.
Merry Christmas to All. Enjoy your loved ones and rejoice in the Spirit of Christmas.
I think this is the first time I've actually planned to cook a full holiday meal for my family in over 8 years. I hope this will help take the edge off the holidays for us a little...
Thanksgiving 1999, after being married 26 years, I finally made the perfect meal. The turkey was golden brown, my special dressing was seasoned just right. My husband had sneaked some of the delicious banana pudding before he headed out the door to go get a load of Christmas trees to sell on our farm. (We grew trees, but he would buy larger trees that were requested by our customers.)
I had everything done, even the table was set. I washed up the preparation dishes and waited for all of his family and mine to arrive.
Shortly after 11:00, my husband's brother called and told me that my husband was at the hospital because he had collapsed and suffered a seizure. My rock-solid husband had never been seriously sick, except for some recent stomach problems.
That was the end of my perfectly-prepared holiday meal, that sat on the stove and spoiled, foreshadowing the death of my husband. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor, the cancerous demon that took him away from us the next February.
Anyway, I have a very hard time thinking about holiday meals, much less cooking them, even after all these years.
This Christmas(tomorrow), I am cooking turkey and dressing and all the trimmings, and my daughters and their husbands will help me try to get back a little holiday spirit.
Merry Christmas to All. Enjoy your loved ones and rejoice in the Spirit of Christmas.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Fruit Salad
I've got to buy some fruit today for my Christmas fruit salad.
When my kids were little, I never had to buy the fruit for Christmas. We couldn't have afforded it anyway. We would all go to church on the Sunday before Christmas, and everyone there got a fruit bag. Sometimes we would go to other churches' Christmas pageants and they would also hand out fruit.
We couldn't eat it all quickly enough so that it wouldn't spoil, so we would use all of the leftover fruit to make a giant fruit salad. The bags even had nuts to crack to put into the salad, and occasionally little boxes of raisins.
Of course we would eat the little bits of candy in the bags, usually before we got home. The candy was the usual hard candy or peppermint cane for many years, and then when we could afford it my husband donated "real" candy: Hershey Kisses, Peanut Butter Cups, etc. These were fun because we could trade each other for our favorites.
Even though it's not the same now, with my husband deceased and my girls married, but I am going to buy the same kind of fruit we had back then and enjoy the memories. I thank God for giving us this wonderful fruit salad each year.
When my kids were little, I never had to buy the fruit for Christmas. We couldn't have afforded it anyway. We would all go to church on the Sunday before Christmas, and everyone there got a fruit bag. Sometimes we would go to other churches' Christmas pageants and they would also hand out fruit.
We couldn't eat it all quickly enough so that it wouldn't spoil, so we would use all of the leftover fruit to make a giant fruit salad. The bags even had nuts to crack to put into the salad, and occasionally little boxes of raisins.
Of course we would eat the little bits of candy in the bags, usually before we got home. The candy was the usual hard candy or peppermint cane for many years, and then when we could afford it my husband donated "real" candy: Hershey Kisses, Peanut Butter Cups, etc. These were fun because we could trade each other for our favorites.
Even though it's not the same now, with my husband deceased and my girls married, but I am going to buy the same kind of fruit we had back then and enjoy the memories. I thank God for giving us this wonderful fruit salad each year.
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