New Year Thoughts

I am working on my New Year's resolutions for 2009. I have had very few years for which I have made resolutions, because they are too hard to focus on. Every day when I get up I resolve that I will do my best to make it through the day, and that this day I will do better than the one before. I don't think it works, but I keep trying.

For 2009, I would like to start taking a few more college courses, even 1 class, so that I can remember that I have a brain. At work, I am often made to feel really stupid. Though I do my job (Assistant Customer Service Manager), the pressure from above is so intense that I am reminded by the Managers to do things that I normally do (and have never failed to do) daily. Sometimes, even though I have done the task, I will be asked by 3 different people if I did it. Of course, if anything that my subordinates have been assigned to do is not done, I take the heat for that, so I have to remind them to do their jobs, and then I'm sure they feel stupid also. I'm great with the customers, but working for my company is hard on us associates. It's really hard to go from this work facade to real life. I really need more things outside of work that are intellectually rewarding.

I find it very disappointing that I have mentioned my work-life in my first paragraph. Total obsession with that is my main problem. At home, there are plenty of things that I use to distract myself: eating, grouching at the dogs, or playing games on the computer. But I really need to stop wasting my down time and using it in some of my more constructive projects.

I love the outdoors, and I have plenty of room here to get out and play. I like growing flowers and even mowing my grass, but when I stress out at work, I feel too tired to do anything when I get home. Another option: my house is falling apart and if I don't start fixing things the whole thing will just collapse.

In 2009, I will keep trying to alleviate this work stress by accepting things more casually. I am too serious about my job and care too much. My desire for perfection puts me on edge. I need to develop a switch that I turn on when I get to work that will let me be totally there, and then turn it off when I get in the car to go home. Then maybe I can relax and enjoy my personal time.

Another thing I need to work on is taking care of myself. The frequent stops at MacDonald's need to end. With preparation I can cook for myself again, saving money and making me healthier (or at least make me feel better about myself).

Focusing on others and their needs still needs to have a place in my life. When you are absorbed in yourself and your own problems, you miss a great opportunity for that little boost that comes from feeling like you did some good in the world.

I know what I need to do to make my life better, but it's that little push that makes me go from thinking about it to doing it that is so hard to muster up.

Well, I'll have to keep brainstorming about my resolutions, because I have to close for now. Thanks for listening.